Jul 15, 2011


Just this day, i've realized that i'm becoming lonesome. I don't know. My friends and i aren't the way we used to. I miss the old times. Those times that we laugh out so loud that causes our tummies to ache and our eyes to tear. We used to be so attached with each other not like now.

So i think i changed. I don't know if in a negative or positive way. I miss the old me. I used to be so chirpy. I used to have the smile that could brighten up other people. But now, i think not. Yep, as i've said, i'm lonesome. It's not that i don't like getting along with my friends. It's just that i don't really understand what i'm feeling. It's as if i want to be alone but i feel so lonely. It's as if i wanna be with my friends but i can't relate to them anymore.

One of my friends noticed me. I was just sitting in the corner of our classroom, holding my phone and doing nothing, then she called me. She asked me what's wrong then i just looked at her. I don't know what to say. Seems like i can't find the right words to say to make her understand. She was so concerned and all. It's as if i wanna cry in front of her but i know that won't work. She asked me to smile, then i smiled. Now, i've realized i'm not that good in faking smiles. The spark in my eyes weren't the same anymore. The smile. The.. everything!!! I'm trying to hide the feeling but i guess i'm really not that good in pretending that nothing's really wrong. Even i, myself, don't know what the hell is happening. Sometimes, i feel like breaking down. I'm tired of this feeling. I want the old me back!!!! Seriously. I don't want this!

Help me to be strong. Help me. Help me. Help me. :(

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